Sunday, 27 August 2017
Izzy 100WC T3W6
I crawl around the corner of my sister bedroom ready to pounce like a tiger. “Gotcha,” I yell. She laughs as I cling onto her arm. “ Okay, Okay I’ll be in,” she laughs. I let go of her and run down the hallway giggling, me and my sister always play together she’s the best! Even though she’s 7 years older than me! Then suddenly it went dark. “Clare” I yell, “ the eclipse are happening,” she veers around the corner putting her arm around me, while we watch. “It’s definitely something you don't see everyday,” I say smiling at my sister.
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Well done! I really enjoyed your story because of how you used long and short sentences. Next time make sure you use correct grammar eg "the eclipse are happening".
ReplyDeleteGood Job! I liked your story idea, as well as the fact you used speech. Double check your punctuation.
ReplyDeleteGreat job Izzy! I like how you set your story.But next time thing about your grammar e.g "The eclipse are happening" maybe think like "The eclipse is happening"
ReplyDeleteI like how you used a simile to say 'I crawl around the corner of my sister bedroom ready to pounce like a tiger'. Next time you could try putting commas in better places like instead of 'she veers around the corner putting her arm around me, while we watch', you could put a comma after say in 'I say smiling at my sister'.
ReplyDeleteNice work on setting the scene and hooking the reader in at the start. Work on your plurals more often because saying my sister bedroom doesn't make sense but my sister's bedroom does make sense keep that in mind!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! I especially liked the storyline and how you really hooked the reader in to make a good story. Maybe next time you could make sure your story makes sense like when it said "The eclipse are happening" it should be "The eclipse is happening".
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