‘’Hey, what’s up freddy?’’ I said to my sea lion buddy in the world. He just waved, this gesture got me upset because he was always so sealy, I had no idea why he wasn’t today, so I swam down to him and said ‘’are you feeling okay?’’ Then he told me the whole terrible story, that he failed his first exam of the semester at Seal School, this was really a bad thing. Freddy looked like he was very upset so I got an idea, I am going to try and cheer Freddy up. My jokes made Freddy laugh a lot.
Wednesday, 16 August 2017
3 comments:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I really liked the way you made a Seal School, but you could improve on making your story make more sense. e.g. my seal lion buddy in the world and he was always so sealy.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you used puntuation because it set's the story out a bit more maybe next time make your sentences make sense
ReplyDelete-Corbin
It was a good idea and really funny. Though I didn't understand some of the sentences e.g my seal lion buddy in the world. Also "Hey whats up freddy" needs a Capital letter for Freddy.
ReplyDelete- Charlie