Thursday, 17 August 2017

Grace

Hi my name tommy I am I  happy little guy. I love sardines and squid. I have everything I could ever want , a full tummy , a nice warm clam shell to live in. Ah my life is pretty good. I love being a seal. I have the biggest race ever tomorrow i have been training for so long. All the sea creatures get together and swim around the island 2 times. I have been training for ages. My biggest competition is billy billy the seahorse he won it last year and when i was walking home from fish school i saw him training.I hope i do well this year wish me luck.
Posted by at
Labels:

11 comments:

  1. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:35

    Next time you write maybe right about me

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:36

    Next time you write maybe write use a variety of sentence hahahahahaahhahahahhahhahahahahahahahahaah

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:37

    I enjoyed reading this because Tommy seems like a goof and a gaf. Think about adding capital T for Tommy
    ~Benji xD

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:38

    I really liked your cute names and how you did it from the seals perspective.
    Next time maybe you could use upper case I's instead of lower case ones.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:39

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:41

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:41

    I really liked your story but some of it didn't make sense for example- Hi my name tommy I am I happy little guy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:46

    I really liked this bit 'I have the biggest race ever tomorrow i have been training for so long' because he is ready for his race.

    I think you need to make more sense in 'Hi my name tommy I am I happy little guy' because it does not make sense.
    Max

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:48

    I really liked your story!
    Don't forget your grammar, ca[ital I's and commars

    Poppy :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 19:52

    Good story line. It's just some of the story didn't make sense.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous17 August 2017 at 20:00

    Good job Grace! Really liked the way you wrote from Tommy's perspective, he seems like a great character.Next time use your grammar correctly and make sure all the characters names have capital letters.
    - Rylee

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)