Me and my friends are having an adventure in my addict. I found so many things I never knew we had like a ping pong table, pacman machine, a gumball dispenser, computers and so much more. We must of spent hours in the addict and never found something we haven’t played with. We were just about to leave for dinner but then it suddenly went dark. We were so scared that one of my friends almost peed his pants and then we heard a creaking noise and we all ran faster than light to the hall. We were so relieved.
Thursday, 31 August 2017
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Great story James, I like the way you used things that are usually in a antic if the are old.
ReplyDeleteJust at the end it is a little confusing
Poppy
I really liked the way you used persuasive writing But maybe next time put some onomatopoeias in.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this because it had a good storyline
ReplyDeletePerhaps you could add some more to it like what was the noise
Nice setting for the story, but where was the eclipse. Some spelling errors also let down the story (attic)
ReplyDeleteBradley