Tuesday, 20 June 2017
Sam 100WC T2W8
As I walked into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory for my first day on the job I could smell the sweet aroma of chocolate. When I walked in the door an adorable munchkin grabbed me by the arm and took me to where I was to work for the next few months. I was working on a giant cream egg. I was absolutely delighted they are my favourite! I got to work very quickly. There were two workers with me, they instructed me to check the texture of the filling but as I went to check it I lost my footing…….
1 comment:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Great work Sam! It was a really good to see you tell your story using the chocolate factory to connect it to a loved classic. The story flows very well, and I love the ending as it creates suspense and leaves the reader wanting more!
ReplyDeleteGreat grammar and structure, and it was nice to see you use a wide range of vocabulary to really describe everything in the story.
Well done Sam!