100 WC T2W8
Grabbing the bag, I run. The plane takes off moving over the heads below. The towers struck my sight, “ full speed ahead” I yell. I look at my friends that are wearing black clothing. It drops. The bomb shattered the building that was holding for years. Crumbling down it looks like the chocolate egg cracking. The orange jackets stand out against the crowd. People running and screaming for their lives as the skyscraper explodes down. Sirens take over the screaming through the city. We go higher into the clouds until we reach the brightness of the sun. Everything went black.
Wednesday, 21 June 2017
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Great work Rylee! Your story is very interesting and easy to follow, and I love your use of the first person tense so it really seems as if you're experiencing this egg incident. I also really like the ending "everything went black" to create suspense and keep the reader wanting more.
ReplyDeleteYour piece has good grammar and structure, although maybe next time you could try and include more commas in your work to really develop sentence structure.
Keep up the good work!