Wednesday 21 June 2017
Poppy 100WC T2W8
It wasn’t long till I realised where I was, my father led me towards a big bookshelf. He pulled out a book and a door appeared. My father told me that I was to tell no one about this secret. We went through a very small door. We came into a huge room with a huge ball of chocolate in the centre. There were three men `working on the chocolate ball. The ball had been split open with white and yellow goo spilling out all over the floor. My father walked towards me and said that this was all mine.
1 comment:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Good work Poppy! I really liked how you told the story through a secret room to add an element of mystery. The story flows very well and the start really captures the readers' attention.
ReplyDeleteGood grammar, structure and punctuation. My only tip would be to proof read so you don't have any unwanted apostrophes in your work (can you find it?).
Keep up the good work!