Tuesday 28 November 2017

Connor 100WC T4 W7

There once was an old man that lived in a shoe, he ate white bread sandwich while he sat in the loo. This was a very energetic man that liked to jump around. He was always in a hurry, he hurried to left and hurried to the right and then he hurried off to bed at night.

He got up in the morning to drive to town but half way their his car broke down. He opened the bonnet and his battery was flat so he cranked the handle and it purred like a cat. He took off in such a rush that he pulled out in front of a bus. The ambulance came but I'm sorry to say the life of the man ended that day.

3 comments:

  1. Nice rhyming Connor but maybe next time add capital letters at the start of each sentence

    ReplyDelete
  2. I liked the rhyming words in your story.
    Maybe next time you could put a full stop instead of a comma for: lived in a shoe. He ate white bread.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I really liked how your story rhymed.
    Next time check your punctuation.

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .