Sunday, 5 November 2017
100WC WK4 T4 Alice
One stormy night, a mad scientist called Bruce, was mixing his dangerous chemicals together, when suddenly a massive explosion occurred. Purple powder seeped out of the laboratory door and into the clueless city. Bruce sprinted out into the city and watched in awe, as humans turned into ghosts. The innocent humans didn’t notice their dramatically changed appearance, they just carried on talking and laughing. Bruce was absolutely horrified at this sight, so he decided to go back to his lab to try and figure out a cure for this abnormal scene. He worked all night and……. Nothing could be done.
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Really nice story, you've used the words really well and have been able to come to a conclusion at the end. Have you thought about changing- nothing could be done to 'irreversible'. Sometimes as writers we use a lot of words to say something that could be said in one or two words. 'The innocent humans remained ignorant to their transformation' Next time you write, do a few drafts of your piece- give yourself time from the first time you have written it and go back.
ReplyDeleteGood story!
ReplyDeleteI really like how you thought outside of the box with your story line.
Next time make sure you don't have lots of commas in your sentences. Eg: The first sentence has 3 commas.
I really liked your story line and the way you linked ideas together. Maybe next time you could add less punctuation such as commas.
ReplyDeleteNice I liked how you use descriptive langwitch. Maybe try not to add as much commas.
ReplyDelete