Wednesday 15 November 2017

Madison


I am a refugee named Iralia from Syria.
I’m 16 years old and I’m in a refugee
camp with my mother and father.
We have hardly any food or water
and everyone is in need of food.
I remember when we first got to
the camp we had some food.
Everyone was hungry and was
begging for our food.
We wanted to help but we needed
it to survive. My parents told me
to hide all of our food. I remember
thinking “ but where would we hide it all”
because there was nowhere to
hide it in a refugee camp.

2 comments:

  1. Oh Madison! This is a refreshing piece of writing because you have chosen a very different topic. While I was reading it I was immediately able to visualise the refugee camp, just as we have seen so often in the news media. Keep up the wonderful writing!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello Madison,

    The topic you have chosen and the character you have created is unique and original. The first person point of view immediately puts the reader inside the girl's thoughts so they empathize with her situation instantly. Readers feel connected to the character.

    In order to make your writing even better, try looking over your piece when it is completed and check for words that could be eliminated or words that could be switched for descriptive synonyms. Making some verb changes would give your writing more depth by choosing strong action verbs.

    Thank you for sharing your creativity,
    Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)

    ReplyDelete

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