Screaming down the hallways, chasing my older sister, was my usual friday routine. “ Tag your it Sally” I yell. I pivot on my foot and dart down towards the other end of the house. I turn around laughing to see how close Sally was behind, but taking my eye off the road came crashing down. I smash into the wall taking all of my mother prized China plates and dolls with me. Sally comes around the corner, I say extremely teary eyed “ don’t tell Mom”. But she looks at me as if to say but where would we hide it.
Monday, 13 November 2017
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Good story Izzy. I liked how you used your imagination in making it. Maybe next time tell the reader a little bit more about the character and her sister, maybe some habits that you could just add? And 'Friday' has a capital 'F'
ReplyDeleteHi Izzy,
ReplyDeleteYou use some descriptive language that creates a frenzied mood:) When you are done writing your first draft, say each sentnece out loud, and maybe you can hear where to place a comma or end punctuation.
Mrs. Kimball (Team 100)
Calabasas, CA USA