Wednesday 29 November 2017

Izzy 100WC T4W7

This sandwich tasted stale I think in my head while I charge the battery of my phone. As I sit I remember the day before hand, it was a cold, white winter morning full of breeze and very energetic children. I hurried down the icy road to school that morning slipping and banging my head getting a very sore headache. I had to text my parents, but my phone went dead leaving me know choice but walking to school. When I got to school I had to go to the nurse. It turned out I had a very serious concussion.
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4 comments:

  1. Anonymous29 November 2017 at 20:00

    I liked your describing words like stale.
    Next time maybe you could use more punctuation.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous29 November 2017 at 21:38

    I liked how you used describing words Izzy.
    But maybe next time add some more punctuation to make your story sound more interesting

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5 December 2017 at 21:13

    I liked you sentence lengths!
    Next time maybe add more commas to your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mrs. Trivedi-Ziemba8 December 2017 at 10:07

    Izzy,

    You are a budding author. I like the flashback technique you used in your writing.

    Using a peer review will help you with smooth flow and editing ( I should know. I always leave articles - a/an/the while writing. I utilize a middle grades editor when possible :) )

    Best wishes.

    Mrs. Trivedi-Ziemba (Team 100 WC, USA)
    http://trivediziemba.edublogs.org/
    @TrivediZiemba

    ReplyDelete

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