An almost clear dome surrounded the little town of Hobsonville. On this busy day of the week I decided to go into town to get some new jackets for the coming season. I looked around the town of many people and noticed something, every person looked like a ghost. I thought I was hallucinating. I tried to touch a man but my hand went straight through his body. Suddenly I fell, It seemed as though I was endlessly falling until I felt a blow to my head and then I couldn't see,hear or smell anything.
Then black. Just black, nothing but black entered me.
Tuesday 7 November 2017
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I really liked how you used uncommon words like hallucinating. Next time make sure you put commas in the correct places eg: It seemed as though I was endlessly falling until I felt a blow to my head and then I couldn't see,hear or smell anything. (You could have put a comma after falling.)
ReplyDeleteI loved your describing words like hallucinating.
ReplyDeleteNext time, instead of the last sentence being written like that you could of written: Then black. Just black, nothing but darkness surrounded me.
Great story Ashton I liked how you described the feelings of the character. Maybe next time think about explaining what happens.
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