Sunday, 5 November 2017

Benji T4 W4 xD

*Breathing heavily*

Here I am in the Alley, before I had just noticed a can disappear from the supermarket and before I could pretend I didn’t see it the can started hastily moving towards me. I casually walked out not knowing if it was following me, I made a left turn, a right, it was still following me. I started jogging. It started jogging. I started sprinting until I reached an alley. I was trapped. It was no longer holding the can and I couldn’t see where it was. I looked up saw a flower pot and everything went black,
Posted by at
Labels:

3 comments:

  1. Anonymous6 November 2017 at 23:13

    Good Story ! I liked you vocabulary eg. 'hastily'. Also your exciting ending.
    Try editing a bit more, so your story makes sense. ' I looked up AND saw a flower pot.'

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous7 November 2017 at 20:15

    Good job, I liked how you used short sentences to build suspense like. I started jogging. It started jogging. Next time make sure your story makes sense Eg: I looked up saw a flower pot.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous8 November 2017 at 21:57

    Well done you chose a great storyline. maybe just use more commas in the beginning.

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)