100WC
A flame burns swimming around through the midnight air. I take another step, dragging my feet through the thick snow. Soon after I couldn’t feel the burning heat against me. My glossy white coat reflects off the shimmering water. I saw torches and people calling my name, but they had no answer. Shivering, I try to reach my foot out but instead I freeze. Today we celebrated my brother's 21st, but things got a little out of hand. Everyone was screaming at each other, so I ran. A shiver ran down my spine, I don't think i’ll last for tomorrow.
Wednesday, 1 November 2017
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Well done I really liked how you added so many descriptive words to your writing. My only criticism is maybe saying why the fight happened in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI liked your story I especially liked the storyline and how you added descriptive words.
ReplyDeleteI really liked you story Rylee!and I love the descriptive words you put in the most :D good job
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ReplyDeleteYour writing was very descriptive it really hooked me in well done. Maybe next time double check your writing because you wrote thinks instead of things.
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you used adjectives like glossy and shimmering. Next time you could make sure you use a capital I for I'll.
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