Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Rylee 100WC T4W3

100WC

A flame burns swimming around through the midnight air. I take another step, dragging my feet through the thick snow. Soon after I couldn’t feel the burning heat against me. My glossy white coat reflects off the shimmering water. I saw torches and people calling my name, but they had no answer. Shivering, I try to reach my foot out but instead I freeze. Today we celebrated my brother's 21st, but things got a little out of hand. Everyone was screaming at each other, so I ran. A shiver ran down my spine, I don't think i’ll last for tomorrow.

6 comments:

  1. Well done I really liked how you added so many descriptive words to your writing. My only criticism is maybe saying why the fight happened in the first place.

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  2. I liked your story I especially liked the storyline and how you added descriptive words.

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  3. I really liked you story Rylee!and I love the descriptive words you put in the most :D good job

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  5. Your writing was very descriptive it really hooked me in well done. Maybe next time double check your writing because you wrote thinks instead of things.

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  6. I really like the way you used adjectives like glossy and shimmering. Next time you could make sure you use a capital I for I'll.

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