The glossy white skyscrapers stare down at me like they want revenge. I run through the streets screaming for help and no one reaches out a hand. I tug at someone's coat but my hands just slip. I pause. I look at myself hands down but see nothing, am I, no couldn’t be. I feel and tingle up my spine as more and more people walk through me. Scared and frightened everyday I’ll still wander to streets alone. The midnight breeze flows through my thick hair as the shimmering moon shines brighter than before.
Even though people couldn’t see me, I called myself ‘Ghost’.
Sunday, 5 November 2017
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Hey, you have taken a really different approach with your writing that I haven't seen from the other stories so far. I think I saw a few errors in the first sentence- The glossy white skyscrapers stared down at me like they wanted revenge. I wondered if you should write in past tense right up to the final sentence- as if you are explaining your past and why you are called ghost. Either way, I like what you have done.
ReplyDeleteNice story Rylee but maybe write what you did in the past and how you become the Ghost.
ReplyDeleteI loved the way you described the skyscrapers!
ReplyDeleteNext time maybe you could proofread, and try and avoid silly mistakes like: down at me the want revenge.
Good story Rylee maybe think about making sure your sentences sound right and read through it.
ReplyDeleteHi Rylee. Thank you for taking the time to post on the 100 Word Challenge. The effect of your writing on me was to transport me to the streets, watching the 'ghost' keep hold of the living. You wrote is well and I really liked the close ups you gave your reader which really showed the desperate situation your character was in. Your choice of language was precise and embodied the overall mood of your piece. Well done! I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteMrs T. Wiltshire, England (100 Word Challenge team)
I really liked how you made the story about the ghosts experience.
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