There was a black guy called Bob and he liked to eat a white sandwich and changed his flip phone with a battery. He was never energetic but hurried to the bar every night to meet his lover Julie. As you can see he has problems but we all love Bob because he is a great laugh. But he never had any friends when he was a little kid because he was adopted and all of the kids teased him for it. At one time it got really bad and he had to get counseling. Poor Bob, “we love you Bob.”
Tuesday, 28 November 2017
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Nice Work. I liked how you described your character well. About where he spends a lot of time and his childhood. At the start you wrote 'there was a black guy' that was suggests that he has gone from the narrative's life or is gone, then you wrote 'he has' which means that he is here. Just be aware of past and present tenses.
ReplyDeleteNice story I liked how you described Bob's character.
ReplyDeleteNext time maybe try to give the reader a rest by adding commas.