Sunday, 12 November 2017

T4 100WC WK4 Alice

“Ssshhhh, be quiet” whispered Mia, “don’t move”. We all froze in fear with tons of sugary lollies stuffed in our mouths. The sound of Mia’s parents footsteps stomping down the hall was very intimidating as we were making trouble. “Lets hide the lollies” whispered Ella. “Yes, we should….. But where would we hide it all?” I murmured. Mia’s parents footsteps mysteriously silenced. “Hide the lollies in the closet” Ella mumbled. We gathered up the sweets, and shoved the whole lot in the closet and sprinted back to bed. The door creaked open and a head popped in and just yelled…..

5 comments:

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  2. Good Story Alice! I like some of the vocabulary you used e.g intimidating, mysteriously.
    Try changing a few words so your story makes more sense. 'Causing' trouble instead of making.

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  3. I like your story Alice I like your describing words. Make sure you are putting the right punctuation in there

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  4. Nice story Alice I like how your story is to be continued it makes you think about what will happen next. But maybe next time add capital letters at the start of every dialogue section like “don’t move”. add a capital letter to the D

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  5. Great work Alice, I haven't read a theme like this yet. Remember that you only need three dots for an ellipsis.

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