My legs swiftly carry me as I wandered across the breezy, scary and dim park. I was running late and it was getting dark, nobody would want to be left here, it’s spooky. I narrow around a corner at a fast pace, obviously unobservant to the obvious beside me. A brisk tug pulls me back falling hard and unconscious on to the stone hard path. I see the figure turn around to grab something large my life rushes before my eyes as he throws it at me turning me out completely cold… The park is a scary place to be.
Sunday 19 November 2017
2 comments:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You set the scene really well and use some good vocabulary
ReplyDelete- narrow around a corner doesn't make sense
Nice work! I like how you used lots of descriptive words in your writing. Next time make sure your story makes sense as this sentence " unobservant to the obvious beside me." didn't make sense to me.
ReplyDelete