Tuesday, 14 November 2017
Rylee 100WC T4W5
Where would we hide it all? I dash down the streets turning at every corner that meets me. Sirens screeching in the distance and the top of their lungs. Then I reach a dead end, I look over and under, but see nothing. Seeing the torches from the police quickly racing around the corner makes me nervous. A shivering tingle glides up my spine as I gaze upwards. I drop the bags filled with toys as I hear the gun being loaded. My hands come up as I meet eyes with the heavy man standing ahead. I say “the orphanage is right around the corner”.
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Love the suspense at the start wanting the reader to read more. Next time you say look under and over state what you,re looking under and over plus Orphanage should have a capital O.
ReplyDeleteLove the opening sentence being a question, just remember to use your capitals.
ReplyDeleteI liked your story, I especially liked the storyline and the way you started to make a good story.
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