Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Matthew 100WC T4 WK3

While I was swimming I was thinking about the Potatoes we were gonna plant in our garden when my brother came up to me and reminded me to get out in a few minutes because we were going to our grandma’s house to celebrate white flame day.It happened every 10 years.The white flame day was a day to celebrate a flame that burned white.Everyone in our town always goes to the town hall to watch the white flame come to life.We all came to the hall even the old it is truly amazing for us all.
Posted by at
Labels:

6 comments:

  1. Anonymous1 November 2017 at 14:22

    Nice story. Really liked the way you made up "white flame day" it made your story interesting. Perhaps next time you could use more descriptive words, make sure after full stops there are capitals and reduce your sentences.

    - Rylee

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous1 November 2017 at 22:11

    Interesting story, I like your creativity of making up a day like "White Flame data", but given that it is a holiday it should have capital letters. Also not all the words required are in the piece of writing such as tomorrow and celebrated. Remember celebrate is not celebrated!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous2 November 2017 at 18:02

    Good story. Next time remember to have a space after full stops and use more descriptive words to describe the scene.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous8 November 2017 at 22:38

    Nice story. Just remember that after a full stop there is to be a space before the next sentence starts. I like how you made up the 'white flame day' and how you explained what it is and when it happens. Maybe next time add more information to your story. But since this is only restricted to 100 words I suggest take out some information that isn't needed and replace it with some descriptive language of describing the flames on the 'white flame day'

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous13 November 2017 at 23:48

    I really liked your story! I especially liked the storyline and the ideas you came up with. Maybe next time remember to put a space after your full stops and make your story a bit more descriptive.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous14 November 2017 at 20:22

    Nice work! I really liked your story especially how you came up with " White Flame day". Next time you are putting spaces before you start a new sentence.

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)