I wear a hooded black cape, everyone wonders why, I tell them that I have no face, they do not believe me but it is the truth. When I was little I got burnt by a house fire that was actually my neighbour's house but I was being babysat by them, someone set the house on fire and me and my neighbours were in there, luckily we all got out apart from the father because he was reading the newspaper on the toilet. People made fun of me at school so I decided to start wearing this hooded black cape.
Sunday 19 November 2017
4 comments:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think you need to use more commas and improve your grammar because your sentences can be a bit confusing.
ReplyDeleteNice work! I love your story line next time add a few more commas.
ReplyDeleteNice job Poppy but maybe next time add more comas to your story
ReplyDeleteHi Poppy,
ReplyDeleteA really good story! This is a really great piece of mystery writing. The character you form has got a certain mystery and awe around her which really pulls in the reader from the beginning. I can relate to this as I love reading mystery novels and watching films of such kind, where there is often unknown elements to the story. I think the way you lead with the girl wearing the cape and then describing what happened keeps in line with this. The specific description like that of the fire and the neighbours house makes the piece really believable, and picking up on an issue about making fun at school is really relevant, as bullying is currently a huge topic at schools worldwide. Keep up the good work!