Monday 27 November 2017
Ashton 100WC T4 W7
"Beep!" I suddenly realized the light was green and pulled away from the lights with an angry person behind me. Along the highway, I felt an urgent need to have my sandwich so at the next fuel station I grabbed a bite to eat at the station. All of a sudden I heard a pop in the bonnet of my car so I hurried out of my car and popped the hood and then all this white smoke plumed out into the fresh air. I became conscious that it was the battery that was leaking fluid and It had hit the exhaust pipe which had created smoke. I rushed inside the station and got some water and then an energetic rush came to me and there were big flames in the sky and I realized it was my car.
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Nice work. I liked how you made a normal day into a interesting one that people can read about. I liked how you first hooked the reader in by putting an onomatopoeia in. Maybe next time put some exciting plot into the story so the reader can be interested.
ReplyDeleteBye the way the comment doesn't make sense because said "I liked the way you hooked the reader" and then you said "Maybe next time put some exciting plot into the story so the reader can be interested"
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