I was walking my dog, Jet, in the park across the road from my parents' house, when suddenly Jet started barking at something, I tried to stop him but he kept barking, we went over to what Jet was barking at but he kept barking towards the bush. I decided to go in through the bush but when I got onto the other side of the bush there was nothing there. I went back to Jet but there was a huge puddle that everyone was surrounding, I went over to it to see two upside down gumboots with legs attached.
Monday, 16 October 2017
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I really liked how the you wrote " I went over to see two upside down gumboots with legs attached" and wrote it last I think it really build the tension maybe next time you could add some more description in your writing.
ReplyDeleteI like that you gave the dog a name and that you said huge instead of big to describe the puddle. Maybe you could make the puddle more relevant to Jet's walk.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story because of how you described things really well so I had a clear picture in my head of what was going on. To improve it maybe try and make walking the dog join with the puddle more.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! I especially liked the way you described things so that the reader could easily picture it inside their head. Same work on as Emma And Sam
ReplyDeletereally persuasive story Poppy this story sucked me in but maybe try adding a simile in there
ReplyDeletelove the story! but it ends with "I went over to it to see two upside down gumboots with legs attached" What happened after that?
ReplyDelete