“Hurry up! i’m waiting for you outside in the front driveway” “yes i’m coming just hang on i’m almost there”
John could see two beaming lights enter the driveway, the car came to a holt at the start of the driveway. The door opened and John saw a man, big, firm and not Liam. John caught a glimpse of someone tied up in the back of the car but soon meet eyes with this mysterious man.
He pulled something out of his pocket and I heard a bang, then something hit him . He felt a scorching pain in his chest he fell to the ground then everything went black. John woke up to see gumboots hanging out of the water.
Suicide. A murder mystery.
I liked how you started the story with dialogue but capital letters need to be in the right place. E.g i'm needs to be I'm.
ReplyDeleteNice story. Really liked the way you used dialogue at the start of the story. Next time make sure capital letters are used and try to describe the scene a little more to hook the reader in.
ReplyDeleteI really like who you had a cliffhanger at the end with the short sentences. Maybe describe the paragraphs a little more but great work.
ReplyDelete