Once someone wins they'll be congratulated and then celebrated at the end of the tiresome day. Wish me luck for my races tomorrow.
Sunday, 29 October 2017
Connor 100WC W3 T4
My name is Frank Williamson and I am a professional swimmer. I do swimming practice every day of the week for four hours! When I do butterfly I move through the water swiftly leaving white bubbly water in my trails. Tomorrow I will be entering a competition at the IPC Swimming World Championship, at the start of the day, there will be a machine that burst out flames to signal the start.
2 comments:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
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I really liked the way you tried to incorporate those words into the story and how you used them. Next time try and use other words other than 'And' or When'. Other than that well done Connor.
ReplyDeleteNice story. I liked the way you used some adjectives to describe how fast you'll be going. Maybe next time try to hook the reader in more and make your story interesting by telling us a little bit more about your life before.
ReplyDelete- Rylee