Jim and Frank lived in a creepy town in a creepy house. One day Jim and Frank went to a old creepy mansion on brook lane. When they went into the house and the door slammed, i knew Jim thought to himself he knew they weren't gonna make it out alive. So they kept walking around not worrying about anything but they didn’t know what was happening they were being watched by a man on the top of the stairwell. But then Frank saw him he saw his face looking through the railings that's when they knew they were doomed.
Monday, 23 October 2017
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I really like your starting "In a creepy town in a creepy house. Maybe next time think about your capital letters and commas.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! I especially liked the storyline and the starting of your story. Maybe next time you could Use more capital letter like. e.g. i knew Jim thought... the I needs to be a capital letter. :)
ReplyDeleteCreepy Story Max. I think that next time you could use a capital 'I'. And use the proper sentence, the sentence was 'as the door slammed I knew'
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