It's 1915 and the war started last year, but it's become more serious than anyone thought. When It started I thought it wasn’t a big deal because it was happening in another part of the world but soon it finally reached New Zealand, and I knew that my gallant brother would be the first to go and sign up to be a soldier and serve his country. As the days past I started to get worried and my brother started to get more excited. But when the day came I think everyone was nervous, but as the door slammed, I suddenly got a chill up my spine and I knew I’d never see him again.
Wednesday, 25 October 2017
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I really like your choice of a story line.
ReplyDeleteNext time make sure it all makes sense.
I think it was really creative to make your story war themed, but I just got a little confused about the door slamming. Because it didn't really mention that it was set in a room.
ReplyDeleteI really like your story it made me stop and think what will happen next. But maybe next time tell who the characters names are and what they did before the war.
ReplyDeleteGreat story Natasha, I liked your describing words like: gallant.
ReplyDeleteNext time you could tell the reader that the story was set in a room with a door, and then that door slammed.
I liked how you used the word, gallant.
ReplyDeleteMaybe try to add more descriptive words because the things you're writing
about is pretty emotional.