100WC
The police were shocked. A body, a man planted into the pond head first. His motionless legs stick out as the torches shine around him. A plaited rope wrapped around the man’s ankle and men try to heave him up. The clouds start to turn grey and it starts pouring down buckets of rain. I put my hands into the mucky water and grab tightly onto the rope to help. Sweat trickles down my spine as I heave harder and harder. Finally he comes to the surface, there was no blood anywhere to be seen, but he was for sure dead.
Monday, 16 October 2017
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I really liked the way you used words like motionless and plaited rope really described the crime scene, Next time you write look for plurals such as ankles not ankle. Overall it was a very neat and cool short story.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you delivered your vocabulary in this piece of writing, you expressed the characters emotion really well. Next time you work maybe work on your grammar. Otherwise really loved the story!
ReplyDeleteGood Story Rylee. I like the suspense that you added at the end. Next time maybe try to use some adjectives and more description to the situation.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you used the word motionless instead of not moving because it is a good waying of describing it. Next time you write i think you should explain it a bit more for example The police were shocked.
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