My Perfect Night!
It was a beautiful night, the sun was setting and the tens of billions of star were growing brighter by the second. Kids were, swimming in the pool. Meanwhile, most adults had a glass of wine or a cold beer as they talked by the fire. The flickering flames illuminating the feast set on the table. The sweet, and smoky, scent of the pork ribs wafted toward me. Fizzzzzzzzzzzzzz……. I look up they’ve just sent off the first firework. The white spark zooms up into the sky. Bang!. It explodes out shooting down in all directions, the glowing sparks then fall to earth for a second........... then fade out. I love how we celebrated Guy Fawkes, it's my version of a perfect night. I didn't what the night to end, or for tomorrow to come.
I really liked your onomatopoeia and depth in your story.Next time you write maybe try to use some more different words instead of repeating.
ReplyDeleteGood Job, I really like how you used heaps of describing words to describe what happens and I also really like how you based the story on your perspective and an event that you celebrate and have done! Maybe next time try to use more names, maybe what people said on the night or maybe even who came.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you wrote your story, it was very descriptive. Maybe next time it can be actually 100 words instead of 135...
ReplyDelete~Benji :)
I really liked your story line and the way you used descriptive content. Maybe try to use different types of words in your story to make it even better.
ReplyDelete