Last night at 9 o'clock a man got held under the water and drowned from a human that broke out of jail last night. His criminal records were murder, murder and murder. This man in the photo that got murdered was a young man named Grant the age of 27 happily milking the cows when all of a sudden this happened. He had two kids one was named ruby and the other was named Emilie. They were both aged 3 and his wife Jessica was terrified to hear and see what happened to Grant. No one knows where this criminal is.
I liked you unique storyline.
ReplyDeleteNext time maybe use more full stops.
I liked how you wrote it as a person explaining what had happened
ReplyDeleteNext time you should make sure that it makes sense because you didn't put commas and full stops where they were needed and you used some of the wrong words such as ( Jessica were terrified ) it doesn't make sense. Other than that it was a great story.
Your story had a really great and misterious ending and you idea was good. Though some parts don't make much sence and was confusing. This part " murdered was a young man named Grant the age of 27 *happily milking the cows when all of a sudden" you needed to have something in here *. You also needed to proofread a bit better, for commas,capital letters and the use of the right word. e.g. was instead of were.
ReplyDeleteI fixed the mistakes thank you for your advice
ReplyDelete