Monday, 30 October 2017

Izzy 100WC T4W3

Tomorrow it will be celebrated, my  sister gold medal at the parayl Olympics for swimming . My sister became paralyzed at the age of 14th from our house fire. She was the only one to be severely injured out of my family, with one leg needing to be anticipate, sadly I feel like it’s all my fault. I remember the moment so clearly with her yelling for me to get out, saving my life costing hers, then her face went white as a flame took my vision. Today my sister is someone else she is a soldier a legend, my hero.
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2 comments:

  1. Anonymous31 October 2017 at 22:54

    I really liked you sentence varieties!
    Next time maybe you could make sure that your sentences make sense like: my sister gold, didn't really make sense.

    ReplyDelete
  2. rmannell5 November 2017 at 12:28

    Hello Izzy,

    Family tragedies have the power to draw families closer together. This is what I saw when I read your story. A home on fire, tragic in itself, with a family member putting others before themself and the aftermath where lives have changed has the making of a story of human victory despite. Well done.

    You have successfully made use of the five prompt words in your story of triumph over tragedy. Your sister, rather than an object of pity, goes on to the Paralympics as an amputee and triumphs with gold. Again, well done.

    While there were a few minor errors in punctuation and spelling, I think this was a well-written story and hope you can keep entering the 100WC.

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

    ReplyDelete

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