I was trying to get to sleep. I had been in
bed for over two hours. I had no idea why
I couldn’t get to sleep. I looked at my
clock it was nearly midnight. I turned
my light on so that I could see my way
to the toilet. As I hopped out of bed I
heard a noise coming from the hallway.
I went to see where it was coming from.
Then all of a sudden I saw my bedroom
door about to slam into my face. As the
door slammed, I knew that something
dodgy was happening.
Monday, 23 October 2017
5 comments:
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I really liked the suspense you created, it really added to the story, Have you thought about maybe adding in some commas. :)
ReplyDelete~Benji :)
Really liked your story, I liked the way you created suspense it made the reader want to keep on reading. Next time you could try to think about using some more descriptive words to describe the scene more.
ReplyDelete- Rylee
Great work, it grabbed my attention straight away with the different types of sentences and the intense story line. Maybe next time more different sentence starters
ReplyDelete- Izzy
Dear Madison,
ReplyDeleteGreat job on this prompt! I liked the way there was suspense in the beginning. Additionally, I enjoyed how the beginning sentences grabbed my attention and made me wanna keep reading. Overall, amazing job.
Sincerely,
Sydney
Well done! That is an engaging story.
ReplyDeleteYou get your readers curious about the incident and the end that left the imagination ask what next is well written.
Thnak you.