“Were on in three, two, one.” “Hello this is kate reporting from Twentyfour Seven News. Today we appear to be seeing what looks like someone has been buried alive. We have half a dozen police officers working around the case. All we know is that his name is Edward Thompson's and he is nineteen years old. But wait what’s this … We just got top word that the man, omg the man’s breathing. Get him out get him out I’ll call 111 ahhh”. Smash the camera shatters into a million pieces. Nothing is to ever be seen or heard again.
Wednesday, 18 October 2017
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I liked your storyline a lot.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you could say who is speaking in the story next time.
I liked how your story was a news report. I think that next time you should make sure that it makes sense for example ( Were on in three, two, one ) it should be - where're on in ...
ReplyDeleteIts we're
DeleteWhat was interesting was how you've written it from the point of a news reporter and making it happen live at the same time. You do need to make so thing more clear. e.g that the event is happen live because it not super clear. Also the 'ahhh' and 'Smash the camera shatters into a million pieces. Nothing is to ever be seen or heard again. ' dosen't make sense like is there a black hole or robbery or what.
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