Sunday, 29 October 2017
100WC WK3 T4 Alice
One day, I went to write my weekly 100WC and the prompt was: swimming, flame, celebrated, white, tommorrow. I thought and thought but I couldn’t come up anything. I thought about how I could write a story about someone's birthday, that was celebrated at a swimming pool, which then went up in a white flame. I thought that it was a touch unrealistic so I decided not to. Again, I teared at my brain for ideas….. Ahh! Finally the best idea! I worked on it for ages and now here it is….. The story that you are reading right now!
1 comment:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
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Hi Alice. Very clever way of using the words, I like that you don't just list them and then don't re-use them late. 'One day' doesn't work as a sentence on its own, why don't use start with 'Last week I went...'. One day is also a bit vague, so being specific with time might be better to engage your readers. Also- some of your sentences seem a bit long when they don't need to be. For example 'T thought about how I could write about'- why not say I debated writing about...
ReplyDeleteConcise writing is really important, also remember to only use three dots ... for an ellipsis. Also don't overuse the exclamation mark.
I really liked your story, to improve- work on refining your sentence structure and use of punctuation. Good use of both of these things allows your readers to engage with you in a better way. Well done.