It was the first time I had ever been to the Barnaby's and it was definitely going to be the last. It was 8.00pm at night and I had been invited to dinner, the sun had just about gone down but there was still quite a bit of light in the dreary sky. To get to the house you had to enter down a long gravel driveway.
But as I knocked on the door I realised that there were actually no lights going inside. I knocked louder this time getting a bit impatience.
I walked around the side of the house looking to see if Mr Barnaby was out the back of the house, then all of a sudden a flash caught my eye like the sun hitting a mirror. I looked down to the pond from where the flash had come from and I saw the most horrible sight of Mr Barnaby's legs sticking out of the pond wearing a pair of red band gumboots...
Monday 16 October 2017
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I liked the way you included a simile and lots of description. But maybe try and use the word I less.
ReplyDeleteliked the way you used lots of description and persuasive writing this story sucked me in
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story line. Next time check your punctuation.
ReplyDeleteI really liked it Connor 10/10 but next time just use less I's
ReplyDeleteI thought it was good because included lots information and created a good picture without making the story become boring. You do need to double check you use the right word. e.g Impatient instead of impatience.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you worded your story!
ReplyDeleteMake sure that you use the right words like: getting a bit impatient not impatience.