Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Jordi 100Wc T4 W2


“Kora, Danny and I are going out for dinner tonight so you will be home alone.  Your bedtimes 8:30. I left a list of chores out for you on the bench. Bye sweetie I love you”.  I waved good bye to my parents and got stuck into my chores. Once those were all done, It was time for bed. So I headed down to the bathroom to brush my teeth. (Creak) I saw the main door move. I slowly walked towards the door, not taking my eyes of it. As the door slammed, I knew we were getting robbed.
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4 comments:

  1. Anonymous25 October 2017 at 17:49

    I liked reading this story but it needed to have more descriptive words.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous25 October 2017 at 22:48

    I really liked the way you described the scene well, next time you could try to think about using more descriptive words to capture the reader's attention.

    - Rylee

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  3. Anonymous27 October 2017 at 14:29

    Hi Jordi

    I really like that you added the creaking of the door to your story. As I was reading I could imagine what that sounded like. I wonder how the person in your story knew that they were getting robbed? I would love to read more of your writing. Keep it up!

    Ms Wells
    Team 100
    Christchurch, New Zealand

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous31 October 2017 at 21:40

    Cool story, next time make sure it make sense.

    ReplyDelete

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