Beep! Beep! Beep! I jumped as the sounded that I dreaded the most in the mornings. The alarm. Today is halloween, the day most Americans will not forget. I have never properly
Celebrated halloween, but today was the day for that to be changed.
I looked down at my White ghost costume It wasn't much, but that’s alright because I wouldn’t be out for long before I got back and jumped In the pool so I could go Swimming.
I shoved all the lollies that I got from my “trick or treating” experience into my lollie box. I saw that a bright Flame had just been lit down below. I was unaware of the danger ahead of me. I ran down stairs and smoke was everywhere, there was nothing to see or do I was surrounded.
At that moment I knew there would be no Tomorrow.
Wow I really like your story!! Maybe next time try and make the 3rd and 4th paragraphs relevant to the 1st and 2nd.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! I especially liked the storyline and how you linked ideas together to make a good story. The only fault that you could look at next time is the bit about swimming. I think it would be better if you used it in a different way.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you used paragraphs. Next time you write only use 100 words.
ReplyDeleteI liked the story Aston just remember to make your story 100 words not 146:D
ReplyDeleteI liked that you used paragraphs for your story. Maybe next time you could make sure you put full stops in the right places, like after costume in 'I looked down at my White ghost costume It wasn't much'
ReplyDeleteNice job Ashton. That story was so interesting and made me think what would come next. But maybe next time put full stops in the right place.
ReplyDelete