Monday, 23 October 2017
Bradley 100WC T4T2
Another day Hubble Academy had passed all students were gone but one, Diego Shepard was always the last student to leave Hubble Academy. It was around Five past Five when he finally Got picked up by his Sister. When he got home he was surprised that His Dad wasn’t cooking dinner. He asked his Sister what was up and where he was. Then she stormed off as the door slammed I knew something wasn’t right. I asked Diego if she was always like this? “Yup!” He replied. So we chucked our bags on the floor and played some video games.
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well done. great work this week Bradly. to improve your story try adding more adjetives. can't wait to see next weeks one !
ReplyDeleteI really like your ending how it was different to the rest of the story! Maybe next time check your capital letters.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! I especially liked the storyline and how you linked ideas together to make a good story and a great ending. Maybe next time you could trying adding a few adjectives.
ReplyDeleteNice work, your story was very creative.
ReplyDeleteJust make sure to double check those commas and capital letters.
I really liked your story. But maybe next time put more commas in there to make your sentences make sense
ReplyDeleteGood job I really liked how your story and I also liked the story line. Next time remember to not put random capital letters in your sentences eg: when he finally Got picked up by
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