Monday 16 October 2017

Emma 100WC T4W1

One day me and my friend decided to go swimming so we went to the pool. My friend dared me to do a handstand underwater wearing gumboots with my eyes closed for ten seconds, so I did. While I was counting to ten I felt something cold around my wrist. I opened my eyes, and saw my friend handcuffing me to the bottom of the pool, so I tried hitting her hands away but she’d already finished and was swimming back to the surface. I was sure I’d drown, but somehow I kept breathing normally until she let me go.
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8 comments:

  1. Anonymous17 October 2017 at 20:24

    I really liked your story! I especially liked the storyline and how you linked ideas together to make a good story. Maybe next time you could make it more dramatic like the girl drowns or something like that.

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  2. Anonymous17 October 2017 at 21:15

    Well done! I really liked your story and how you made a twist that I wasn't expecting. Next time don't be afraid to leave the story on a cliff hanger to create suspense.

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  3. Anonymous18 October 2017 at 20:42

    really good story Emma I never expected that to happen in the story but maybe next time leave it on a cliffhanger so we question what will happen next

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  4. Anonymous18 October 2017 at 20:52

    I really liked how you add lots of description in to your writing it really hooked me in.
    Maybe next time you could end your story in a happy ending to keep people in a happy spirit.

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  5. Anonymous19 October 2017 at 12:10

    The story hooked me in to well done your friend sounds very mean. :D

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  6. Anonymous24 October 2017 at 21:48

    Your story is very unique!
    The end of your story didn't make much sense.

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  7. Anonymous26 October 2017 at 00:01

    I was really surprised by the sudden twist but it was a great idea. Maybe try adding a few shorter sentences.
    The sentence that started with 'I opened my eyes,' was probably a bit too long.

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  8. Anonymous1 November 2017 at 22:50

    Really liked your story. I liked the way it had a twist so suddenly to the story. Perhaps next time you could try to use shorter sentences to hook the reader in more.

    - Rylee

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