Tuesday 24 October 2017
Alice T4 WK2 100WC
One day I decided that I would play a trick on my sister, and really get her angry! So I got out my secret weapon…my nerf gun! I carefully tiptoed towards her bedroom door and pushed it open then…… Bam!! I smothered her in nerf gun bullets, her screams of mercy made me want more. When I had run out of bullets I attempted to retreat back to my room, but she was too furious to let me get away with it. She stormed out of her room and as the door slammed, I knew that there was trouble waiting.
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I love your story Alice !! I hope you didn't get in to much trouble. Your poor sister !! Well done Alice ! Can't wait to see your next one !!
ReplyDeleteNice storey put together there Alice, just wrong use of onomatopoeia. Try Boom instead.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used a modern kind of weapon and your language was very well done as well. Maybe next time a better opening sentence.
ReplyDeleteWell Done
Well Done Alice! I liked how you made the story into a funny one. Next time maybe add some more detail and describing words.
ReplyDelete