I was walking down the beach with my friend lampey. i had no friends, as you could probably already tell. but with a with a leap of a leapocorn i dropped lampey “noooooooooooooooooooo lampeyyyy whyyyyy’.I lost my only friend that day.i quickly put lampey back together to see if he would come back to life or not, but he didn't. i left him for the blue sea to collect his ashes. then i went to the 2 dollar shop and bought a new lamp. now i have a new best friend.then i went back to the beach.
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ReplyDeleteI like how you were really upset about breaking your first lamp and then just bought a new one and went back to the beach. Maybe next time you could make your I's capitals when they're by themselves, and put a space after full stops.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! I especially liked the storyline and ideas. Maybe next time you could use capital I's. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
ReplyDeleteI really liked the storyline and how you had a character that wasn't alive. You could fix up your punctuation like putting capital letters at the start of a sentence and having a space after a full stop.
ReplyDeleteloved the story morgan poor lampy!
ReplyDeleteI really like how you finished your story, it was an unexpected twist. Next time make sure you are using capital I's. eg: i quickly put lampey, i left him for the blue sea to. Overall It was a really cool story.
ReplyDeleteI like you story as it was a cool and different idear, I also liked how you added some speech "“noooooooooooooooooooo lampeyyyy whyyyyy’.
ReplyDeleteMaybe try to put more effort into editing your writing.
I liked your unique story!
ReplyDeleteMaybe next time you can put capital I's.
I loved your story Morgan but maybe next time put capital I's.
ReplyDeleteEntertaining speech Morgan had me laughing, just remember next time to use capitals.
ReplyDeleteGreat little story Morgan. I like how you used some entertaining words. Just remember after after a full stop comes a capital letter and a space before the next sentence starts. Also maybe add some more detail, like at the start you said 'I had no friends as you could tell' we don't know because you haven't given any description about the character or story. And also 'leprechaun'
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! I especially liked the storyline and your ideas you came up with. Maybe next time you could use capital I's and hava a full stop after a capital letter and a space after that.
ReplyDeleteNice story Morgan but maybe next time put capital I's.
ReplyDelete