When Jim and Frank were little kids they made lights. While they were making them they put beads and other things into them. That day they took their lights home to show their parents. But on the way home they got attacked by some bullies and while they were attacked one of the bullies smashed Franks light. When Frank got home he didn't know what to tell his mum he wondered if he should say the truth or just lie and say he dropped or something like that, so when he got home he just told his mum the truth
Wednesday, 20 September 2017
1 comment:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Max
ReplyDeleteGreat Story, I really like that way you described the scene. Maybe some more interesting language.