Monday 30 October 2017

Corbin 100WC T4W3

I was in the pool swimming I got to my 100th length it was my personal best from the last one that used to be 99 lengths. I was so proud of myself I had to celebrate so I brought all my friends over. When they came over we started partying like we have never partied before. Then after that moment I didn't know what happened. I woke up just lying on the ground one of my friends said you went white maybe from that swimming and partying. I said tomorrow I will have a good sleep in while watching flames go in the air.

2 comments:

  1. Very interesting and humorous story. Maybe next time maybe use some more commas and make sure it makes sense.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Interesting story Corbin. Maybe next time put some comma's in places like 'I was in the pool swimming, I got to my...

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .